Gone mental

Notes from my Black
2023-04-30 12:28:34 (UTC)

The day after

Last night I sat on the couch with my son. We watched tv and I worked on being ok with him. When we went to bed I was more or less ok with him.

This morning I woke up kinda angry, resentful, and not at all wanting to see him. I can’t control the way I’m feeling and I can’t seem to push it down this time. I have low key tears welling and slowly falling. It’s not that I’m physically hurt. I probably do have a bruise and some small scrim my arm, but they don’t hurt and don’t bother me. This is about him just being a jerk to me. It’s also about Her going to him afterwards and comforting him. I’m not ok with that either.

I get that he doesn’t understand. I do. He doesn’t really have the mental capacity to understand what he’s doing and how it can profoundly change things for him and for us.

I’m glad it wasn’t my night last night… or tonight. I need that space right now.