Gone mental

Notes from my Black
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2023-04-23 03:52:11 (UTC)

I had this thing

I had this entry cued up about how I’ve been griping and where I feel like it was coming from. The thing is, I know it was deeper than what I wrote. It’s not just Her, or our son or finances. It’s more about how I don’t feel successful and how I don’t feel supported. Really I don’t have that all figured out yet, so I’m just going to shelve those thoughts here for now.

I had an event today. I’ve been prepping for it and unfortunately it was practically freezing out and people didn’t come out like I’d hoped. I sold a handful of books and stuff, but I failed in a different way. I couldn’t stay organized. I was so scattered… maybe it didn’t show, but it’s how I felt. I also had a friend come with me. He’s the guy who helped re- translate my book to Spanish. We did a reading of the whole book together. I read a page, then he read a page in Spanish. It worked really well and I had fun doing it. There were barely any people watching and listening, but that’s ok. We did it, we got out of our shell and it was a good time. Now I have to buy a tent and a PA system if I’m going to repeat that. I got lucky today they could just loan me stuff. I’m sure that won’t happen twice.

I’m not sure what happened, but She touched my ass tonight… like a wanting touch. I can’t tell you how long it been since she actually initiated a touch in a way that wasn’t “hey neighbor”. Anyway, still sleeping separately… but apparently she had a thought.