Life of secrets
7.15am. Drinking coffee. Thinking of frying some halloumi to have with crackers and hummus. I sound incredibly Greek.
I’d love to go to Cyprus this year. Everything is so expensive. And could we go away, when trying to buy a house? Probably not. I am eagerly awaiting pay day this month. Just a few more days. Im pretty sure we’ve run out of gas.
Ive had a breast issue the last 2 days. Over a year ago now, I somehow got mastitis. I don’t know how since I don’t have children and I’ve never lactated. But it happened and it was quite traumatic at the time - breast was swollen and hard and discoloured. And I had no idea what it was. Ended up going to A&E in the evening, left for home in the morning. The doctors were quite perplexed and gave me antibiotics - sent me to have an urgent scan at the breast clinic. The antibiotics cleared it up and the breast clinic couldn’t find anything.
Two days ago I started getting sharp pains in the same breast. I thought, oh here we go - my body reminding me that I’ve never been pregnant by giving me pregnant women issues! HARD eye roll… but it’s not that. I did hot and cold compressions twice a day and it seems to feel a lot better today. Perhaps there was just a small blockage and what I did got things moving again.
What an odd thing. I think it’s hormonal changes.
This weekend we are going to my mums for lunch / dinner. My niece will be away with her mum for Eid. We have an odd mix of religions in my family. On Sunday I have a special talk at my church, which I don’t really want to go to, but it’s one of those that you can’t really not go to. Everyone is excited, but me.
It’s not that I don’t want my religion. It’s that it absolutely terrifies me. I am on the fence and I don’t know which way to jump off, so I’m just balancing and it’s exhausting and anxiety provoking.
I have a lot of questions and no one really cares.