AmberG

12/04

Well this time tomorrow I will know if I'm getting help or not. If I do it's going to be ok. If not I have a plan. I don't have any pills now so it's not that. But I do have a car. All I need is a length of hose. No one will find me. I know exactly where to go. I'm not feeling much right now. I'm trying to stay positive but it's not working.

I feel numb. Like I have no hope left. I have given up. I'm pretty sure nothing will happen tomorrow. But I'll go through the motions just so I can say I tried. I've been trying since February and nothing I do is good enough.

So I'm going to slap on a smile and pretend everything is fine. It doesn't work with mum though. She always sees through it. I don't pretend with her because she always knows.

Got a long day tomorrow. I'm going out at 10 and will be running around all day. It's ok though. It stops me thinking too much.

Taking mum shopping on Friday. That should be good. Hopefully the doctor can sort something out for me tomorrow and it will be a good day on Friday.

Haven't heard from him again for a few days. I'm not even bothered anymore. I've moved on. He still thinks we're going to meet up in the summer. I don't think mum and dad would be too happy if I did. And to be honest he broke my heart and I can't trust him now.