AmberG

07/04

I forced myself to go to Wales. Wish I hadn't bothered. She was miserable the whole time we were there. I sent the other to away a bit so I could talk to her. She said she almost killed herself last week. So I had to be the aunty and support her. It wasn't easy. If I was feeling myself it would have been ok. But because I'm still not right all I could do was hug her.

The problem with long drives is it gives me too much time to think. About all the bad shit that happened. About my time in care. It was awful in care. I hated it but it was still better than being at home. I don't understand how people can go into foster care if they don't like the kids they foster. My foster mother didn't like me. She stole my pocket money every week and I was given a clothing grant which she kept. It was something like £300 and out of that I got a t-shirt and a bunch of socks. She was supposed to get me new school uniform and other clothes but she didn't. I complained to my social worker every week and he didn't do anything about it. Not long after I got there she lost a ring and accused me of taking it. She said it was too big for her finger. So it could have fell off anywhere. I tried not to let it get to me but it did and I had to keep quiet about it. Then just before I moved out she lost another ring and again she accused me of taking it. She found that ring in her daughter's toy box. But I got no apology. Then she got one of her old foster kids to threaten me. After I was forced to go back home that kid tracked me down and punched me a few times. I was 15 and she was almost 20. What chance did I have. I don't know why my social worker didn't listen about what was happening at home. He just sent me back there. Back to my abusers. Nothing had changed. Except my dad tried to control his temper. But I was still so scared to be there. He wasn't the biggest problem though. It was my brother who isn't my brother anymore. Now that I'm an adult I don't have to have anything to do with him and I like it that way. I have a new family now. One that loves me and would never hurt me. I love them and everyday I am grateful to them for being there and giving me support. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them. And if I ever find someone hurt them I would be there. I would do prison time for them. I'm protective over them. I couldn't give shit about most of my family. And I know we're not blood but blood isn't always thicker than water. A family is there to love and support you. I never had that before. I never felt what it like to have a parent's love until I met my new mum and dad. They showed me what a parent should be. Mine just criticized me and put me down all the time. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I tried so hard to get their approval but it never came.