Anonymouslysecret

57

Everything is happening / has happened this week. My husband started his new job, but also had 3 big interviews and a blood test (his first one ever…). He was actually offered one of them, but its a 6-12 month contract role and its miles away into London which would be fine but he doesn’t have a car. And I need mine. I’m amazed that he got offered the job though. The interviews are nothing like what he’s done before.

Our broker is submitting a new application with another bank for the mortgage today and I’m taking a handover from my manager because she’s off next week, which I’m not thrilled about but it is what it is. We also had a religious event on Tuesday which filled me with regret and anxiety and I’m not too sure how I feel.

In fact, I said a prayer last night and asked that He just lets me die if there’s no hope for me. Because it feels like there is no hope, for me. I woke up at 4.30am with pain down my left arm. Enough to not be able to get back to sleep and I figured, this is it then. He’s chosen to kill me via heart attack. However, it seems it was just partly anxiety and partly a muscle pull from the gym session I did. I’m kind of proud that I didn’t fight it though. I thought, just let it happen…. I dont particularly have anything to look forward to in this life anyway.

Needless to say, I survived the night.