Amber's ramblings
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2023-04-04 18:33:07 (UTC)



Went to see the parents earlier. Nearly gave mum a heart attack. I knocked on the door but I don't think they heard me. Mum came out of a room and saw me standing there. Lol

I was getting messages from Dick head last night. Obviously I had to show mum. She was laughing at the things he was saying. He sent me pictures of himself in just his underwear saying how sexy he is. Like right. I can't make it any clearer. I keep telling him I'm not interested and nothing is going to happen. This is a guy who I went on 3 dates with and he moaned about my family being on the last one. It was a family gathering and he was invited. He didn't have to come. After that he kept cancelling the dates we made. So I gave up I wasn't going to wait around forever. He messages me from time to time. I don't know why. I've moved to a different country since I last saw him. And he doesn't get that I'm not interested. I'm not going to do another long distance relationship. Because I've just been broken by the last one. I don't want to get into anything again. My heart is broken beyond repair and I don't think it will love again. The only love I have now is for my new family. They won't hurt me like that. I hope they don't anyway.

I need to get penny to the vets. She's pulling her fur out and it's looking really bad. I called the vet and I've got an appointment in 2 weeks. I can't afford to take her before then. I'm waiting for a payment to come in. My friend got hers today so hopefully it won't be too much longer. I need to pay for comic con.

Looking forward to going next month. There are so many people who I want to get a photo shoot with. I have one dress I need another one because I'm going for 2 days. I'm going as an elf Princess lol. Don't know what to wear on the second day. I have a long purple wig to go with the dress and I'm waiting for a tiara to come. I also have elf ears. I put the dress on the other day it looks amazing. I can't wait to wear it.

I'm trying to find a glimmer of light in this dark. But it still feels like I'm lower than rock bottom. Seeing the doctor again next week. I've done everything they've asked me to do. If they still refuse to help me I don't know what I'm going to do. I may have to put my plan into action. But I need to rethink a few details

And on tonight's flashback episode I was working in a taxi office. It was a Sunday and I was alone in the office. There was a security door to stop customers coming back. So this driver walked in and I opened the door for him. This wasn't unusual drivers were always coming into the office to chill for a bit between jobs. I didn't know this driver too well as he worked weekdays and I usually did the evening shift. So it was Sunday afternoon and this driver came in and we started chatting. He was getting closer and closer to me but I still didn't think anything of. Because the drivers liked to look at what jobs were coming up on the computer. He grabbed hold of the back of my chair and spun it round. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me to the chair. I don't know what he wanted but I was terrified. I couldn't get away. He didn't try to kiss me or anything I think he was just proving he could hurt me if he wanted. I think he wanted to scare me. A customer walked in and he let me go. As soon as he left I got on the radio and called another driver to the office. I told him what had happened and he went mad. Said he was going to sort him out. I kept the door locked after that and only let in the driver's I knew well and trusted.