rotten

just keep swimming

i'm still living the era of everything being suuuper overwhelming. we had an insane snow storm the monday after i last wrote - it's hard to believe rn, looking outta window. it's very spring-ey; the roads are bare and dry, the sun is shining and there's not a cloud in sight. and it's almost 7pm! ofc it's daylight saving time already, but that always takes me "a bit" more than a week to get used to. anyway, i was supposed to go see kona on monday - sa's pet bunny - but there was no chance even getting out of the parking lot. there was a bus stuck in the middle of the big nearby crossing for over two hours, and it was said everywhere that the roads were hellish. but mum came for a visit and i ended up visiting sa on friday, so it all worked out. my stepdad had some business in the town so mum came with him, and on tuesday - for some reason unbeknownst to me - i woke up early and went to the paja, for the reading group and the usual yatzy playing with sa. i got home around 2pm... and got very irritated, because my mum had only just woken up. we were supposed to leave around 2.30 to go swimming in the eden spa with my sister and her family who were vacationing there, but my mum was only brewing her morning coffee when i got home; hadn't even taken w out yet. idk why it bugged me so much, it's not like we were reaallly on schedule there, but ohhhh boy. i went to clean the car to blow off some steam. that ended up taking me over half an hour, there was so. much. snow. so fucking much, it was insane, really. i had to shovel all around the car, and it build up to a huge pile of snow behind the parking lot - a pile that almost matched my height, from just one shovel width from every side plus the snow that had piled on top of the car. insanity, i tell you. you'd think that i (and we, this whole country) would've gotten used to it, but no. or perhaps we have, and a fuckload of snow just happens to be exactly as challenging every single time? who knows. either way, in a few days it got better, thank britney. and while i was shoveling all that snow, mum took w for a wee (ehe ehe) and off we went. on sunday, when sa was here (yes, again. we've hung out a lot lately, i love it!) we went shopping, and came across some peppa pig toy sets on sale. me and mum went halfsies on a bigger one and i ended up going back for a smaller one to get for my sister; both sets will become our e's bday presents in may. i'm kinda proud being done with the gift shopping this early, ngl. it's a rare occasion - that's why i'm even mentioning it here, lmao.

the whole tuesday was exhausting. i didn't sleep a lot, got up early, went to paja. the bus drive home was a nightmare too - the 8 was even fuller than usual, and some genius thought it was funny to press the stop button on EVERY single stop, even though the tires slid uncontrollably every time the bus came to a holt. if i was the driver i would've started yelling at everyone after the fourth stop where no one got on or out, but apparently this guy had more patience that i do, and a waaay higher tolerance for idiocy... but i got home after all. shoveled snow for a while, broke quite a sweat, and drove to the spa. we first went into their hotel room - a was already hyper, and h told us she'd been telling every single person she'd met that her "mum's mum and sister" were coming. that kid is simply too much, so endearing and so freaking cute. energetic and loud tho, too, but lovely all the same. we were in the pool are for almost five hours! around the two hour mark it turned kinda nightmarish for me, i was so tired i almost fell asleep in a jacuzzi, and while i was floating in the running stream, and while i sat in the low end of the pool with my eyes closed, and in the infrared sauna... we got some fries and coffee from the pool bar, and that (and a few dips in the cold pool) helped a bit, but i was still ready for bed when the wave machine went off for the last time. little a never ran out of energy though. i don't know how to feel about it; but the adhd sure is strong with that one. luckily we had w to use as an excuse for why we had to leave pretty much as soon as we got our clothes back on, so the separation wasn't as hard for a as it usually is. it's always nice when we manage to leave with everyone on a good mood, but this time i really was so damn tired i don't think i would've handled difficulties very well. as i felt like dying, mum went and grabbed some groceries for me on our way home, and when we got here, i went straight to bed, i think. still took my time falling asleep, ofcourse, but at least i was resting. i love swimming, i love spending time with family, and i even quite like shoveling snow, but d a m n that was a tough day.

wednesday was a paja day too - i went to make plans with s, with whom i still can't normally communicate with btw, to go shopping for supplies for an event that's actually taking place tomorrow. i also had an appointment with my pppt. she's so lovely i feel like crying every time i think of her. it sucks that in a long run i'll have to switch to another pppt; although, this one's still making appointments with me, even tho she already wrote the evaluation. i don't know if she should be doing that, but i'm thankful nonetheless. we're meeting again next week, and i hope that's not the last time. inspired by her i messaged an from the paja, to ask if she had time to go over a few things with me. she was delighted that i asked, and a little bit proud of me - and i'm ngl, that felt nice. i went to see her on thursday, without having slept much (aren't we all surprised, sigh) and we ended up 'just' chatting for almost two hours, and making new plans for the next day. she really is lovely, really lovely. she's relaxed and fun and snappy and quick and straight-forward and protecting and all over the place, and just all around lovely. we discussed the neuropsych appoitment and how it went horribly wrong, and we talked about adhd (her son has adhd too (and i mean... i bet she does as well, but that's none of my business to dg, obviously)) quite a lot, and religion and trauma and my dgs. i listed all the things i should get done, and yeah, we decided to work on them on friday. she feels safe, and i'm glad there's at least one employee left who still does. in the afternoon me and sa went shopping for ...lucky dip? is that really the term in english? we just call it 'fishing' ... angling? idk. anyway, a kid's birthday party activity that i had promised to arrange for the collective bday party event ('celebrating everyone who has a birthday in 2023'). we had planned it out the previous night, but the different location of the same store had almost none of the things we had decided on, so we had to improvise. when we were about done, s came in with the company card to pay for everything. i thought i was being provident, but we went over budget. i felt very, very ashamed about it for hours afterwards, even though s said nothing (before checkout they only asked what we had and said it was all good) and beforehand the budget was only briefly and vaguely discussed. talking to sa about it soothed my nerves though, she rationalized it for me - and i also decided it was s's problem if they didn't have the balls to say something, or ask about it beforehand. and perhaps it was all completely fine and i'm just an over-stresser, as per usual, idk. anyway, it's all water under the bridge now.

after the shopping spree we had our extra meetup with the postcrossing group, and it went well. i sent out two cards - crap, that reminds me, i still have three more to finish and mail... in the next five weeks period we're gonna meet every week - ohhh crap pt 2, i gotta rewrite the group description by tomorrow morning, dang. where do i write this down, wait wait. okay, written. and i called my mom - she recently went to mammography cancer check, and apparently she's still cancer free! hip hip, hooray! here's to hoping that'll never change again. anyway, the group went well, i'm still rather anxious about the creepy dude, who ofcourse decided to join the group, as he knew je also does postcrossing... idk. if he starts being more creepy or becomes a problem, i'm just gonna go and cry to a, or tell him off myself, idc. f that dude.

ok now writing is starting to feel too much again, the call with my mum wore me out and sa is gonna come for a late night visit - so that perhaps i can manage to wash the dishes (aaand for some maxi yatzy, with my new fancy mini dice i got from the nerd store on monday!) - so i'm gonna finish this off and write more another time. aboooout: ma & li's call, friday's meeting with a, the application, visiting sa, their house, kona. the huge pills. baby o's party on saturday, the outdoors coffee with mi... and did i do something on sunday? oh yes, crafting with sa, the barley bags. the damned election, je's baffling ig story, monday's call with the doctor, meeting with the weeners in the gamer cafe, the more-than-weird night, the trip to the grocery store, today's crafting and the weird fish... everything. yeah, now i gotta get dressed and take w out!