Breathe, it's going to be ok
Tuesday was a weird day. Combination of elements led to me bawling 45 minutes after arriving at work, angrily slogging through tasks in hope of finding a reason to not want to put a round in my head.
At one point I stopped. And something a friend said to me came to mind.
I'm a writer, and a central duo in my main story is two guys named Lee and Onyx. Lee is a human teen, and Onyx a supernatural darkness entity living inside Lee, able to control him under specific circumstances. But what makes them different is that Onyx isn't some dark destroyer, and often helps Lee out with day to day life.
I get in these moods where I just, don't believe I'm worth it. Worth the effort to care for, often making my panic attacks far worse. So my friend gave me the advice of "imagine you're like Onyx. You are controlling a friend's body, someone who needs help badly, and you are the only one who can."
So in the middle of a panic attack, I tried it.
"Gela, give Jello the controls"
And yeah, it worked. Within a few minutes, I was breathing regularly, and had even switched into productive mode for the remainder of my shift.
Felt good. And I hope by passing on this advice, I can share that kindness.