So after hardly any sleep last night I got a call from the doctor today. She said she tried her hardest but the mental health team are still refusing to help me. So it's obvious what I have to do next. They've left me no choice. The how is sorted. The when isn't. I need my medication changed and they're not listening to me. My medication isn't going to suddenly start working again now. I've given it enough time. I can't do this anymore. I must be beyond help if the mental health team won't even see me.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I never ask for help. But this time I did and look where it's got me. So I have a plan. And I honestly don't know what will happen but I'm left on my own trying to fight this. And I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying to stay alive.
People say things will get better. Bullshit. Until I get my meds changed nothing is going to be right. How can it be.
I was upset after the phone call. I went to see the parents. I was crying a lot and mum was there holding my hand and holding me until I was feeling ok again. I hate what this will do to her. I hate myself for even thinking about it. And if there was any other way believe me I would find it. But I can't hold on anymore. I have officially given up.