Life of secrets
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2023-03-23 13:17:04 (UTC)


I drove off the driveway at lunch time to run some errands. He was in bed asleep. I don’t know if he slept much last night, or if he’s depressed and sleeping a lot right now. But as I drove off, I had the thought, imagine if I was driving away right now with all my belongings and not coming back? Would I be disappearing with another man? If so, I’d never be able to marry said man. I’d never be able to even think about dealing with the situation I’m leaving behind. How could I speak to him again? If I did, how long after leaving would it be? It was a long scenario, thought of in a short space of time. By the time I got to the end of the road, I’d forgotten about it. It’ll never happen anyway.

But I did have a sense of relief at the initial thought of going.

I think I’m just fed up.