The lonely codependent

Time travel by city bus

Hookup guy seems to have ghosted so maybe I should stop for a while to describe how my day has been so far. Besides running errands I was trying to save money on tickets so I chose to take a bus instead of the metro.

Traveling on this bus was kinda like time travel. Officialy I've had 3 relationships so far but as for crushes, platonic loves, hookups, and so on the number is like 10 times higher. The bus was going to stop where my narcissistic ex lives. But meanwhile it also stopped in front of the house of one of my platonic exes. It's hard not to make memories in this city if I always end up with a new guy instead of one for life.

For this reason I felt a bit sick when I got off at the final station and was not very confident. My conscious mind can avoid bringing up certain memories but my subconscious remembers and this is why I'm angry with myself sometimes as I don't think I need some shitty experience anymore. That won't help me create a better future.

Despite all this everything was OK and now I'm on my way to another place to keep running errands. Meanwhile I found a restaurant on the way where I had dinner with a 3rd guy. So my current goal is not to go crazy.

I don't need to, as the nice guy from Tinder would be ready to see me even today, as I am right now. No, that doesn't work for me. To see him I need to choose my best clothes and panic for at least half a day about basically everything. Otherwise a date is not a date. So that will happen tomorrow.

I'm still angry with my dad and don't feel like talking to him. But at least I'm in the city and have some freedom today. I can't wait to find a cheap place to have lunch.