NotAGoodPerson

Gone Fishing

Dear Reader,

I’m on my lunch break, and I’m typing this on my phone.

I’m crushing on a few of my coworkers. I want to go into more detail but I don’t have a lot of time.

There’s some I’m really physically attracted to, and there’s a couple I’m emotionally attracted to more, but that’s because we talk more often.

I want their attention, I want to be closer to them, but it’s slow..

It kinda makes me feel perverted? I don’t know if these thoughts are normal.. I never used to fantasize about people before, or masturbate thinking about people I know before, but I do now?

I wonder if I’m taking it too far.. sometimes I feel guilty about it, and sometimes it just makes more excited.

I haven’t told anyone this. I haven’t even written it out before. It’s stuff I’ve always kept inside my head.

I want to write about it, but I know when I write about it, I’ll pick it apart, and a lot of the times I don’t want to face the bad.

Like, I’m not being creepy to any of them. I’m not sending them weird messages, or stalking their profiles, and I’m not saying anything inappropriate to them. I have boundaries, and I’d never want to make anyone uncomfortable or hurt anyone.

All I’d want is for them to notice me back. Flirt with me, and enjoy me flirting back. Even if nothing else happened, I’d be happy with the push and pull, will they won’t they, the tension, and the attention.

But no one’s biting. The one that kinda was is on military leave right now.. so I’m here with the fishing pole waiting in my boat.

I posted a selfie of myself over my days off that a lot of my coworkers saw, but two of the ones I’m crushing on didn’t see.

I wish I knew what they think of me. I want to know if any of them think I’m attractive..

Today I kinda had to throw together an outfit, and throw some lashes on, so I don’t feel super very attractive today..

I have a few fun button down shirts I can’t wear right now, because my uniform vest is broken, and the work I do could pop a button that the work vest would cover if the zipper worked.. they don’t have any extra vests right now either.

So I don’t have a lot appropriate for work cute clothes to wear right now..

I’m going to go back to work now.. I just wanted to dump some thoughts here for now.

Signed,
NotAGoodPerson

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