My Life as it is.
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2023-03-18 20:32:24 (UTC)

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder what goes on their heads? The males that we love so stupidly? I swear lately I feel like lack of penis in one’s life is worth leaving in peace. (Contemplating homosexuality).
Do you ever wonder what men think of when we’re pissed at them but don’t even wanna talk to them and tell them what they did wrong cause were amazed that they see absolutely nothing wrong with what they’ve done?
If ever I go crazy and police are looking at this, YALL ITS DEFINITELY A MANS DOING THAT BROUGHT ME TO THAT POINT. I’m just fucking with y’all, but seriously xD. Bitches have drove me crazy but they knew what they were doing so it wasn’t as frustrating. Men. It’s like they don’t even grasp onto their own bullshit enough to realize they’re so fuckin stupid.
Rant over. Well the nasty part anyway.
I got a ps5. I was fuckin excited about it too. It came today. Justin bitched that I spent too much money on it that we didn’t need cause we don’t game bla bla bla. Bro we play Fortnite every single day wtf and we don’t like playing split screen so why the fuck not get a second console and upgrade whip were at it.
Nope. Instead he lectures me and makes me feel like a kid. He’s allowed to spend 1700$(not even including food or outings) for a one week trip out west in the same fuckin country but I can’t spend 800$ on a console that we will use every god damn day.
I’m furious. All day it’s been just bullshit from him and I feel under appreciated. The only cleaning he’s done in the past probably month and a half is mop the hallway. I had mopped every other room and while everything was shoved into the hallway while the other rooms dried I started a game of Fortnite (20 mins tops they are) and he came down and finished it up. Not the point, but that’s literally all he’s done in the past month and half. AND I WAS THANKFUL THAT HE DID THAT UNTIL TODAY.
He starts bitching that the cloth in the sink smells cause I don’t rinse them out right so it smells right now. Bro throw it in the washer and don’t bitch that’s all there is to it.
I was making these chocolate covered dates recipe that I saw online (great food channel I think it’s calls myhealthydish or some shit).
So when I went to rinse the melted chocolate bowl it was obviously all smeared and I wasn’t doing the dishes just yet so I took the dirty cloth out the washer (it was the only thing in there) and wiped the chocolatey bowl with it instead of dirtying the new cloth. I rinsed it back out and threw it back in the empty washer. Apparently that was the bad thing to do to him. He starts being all condescending asking me why I’m using the dirty cloth. Like fuck off and do the dishes then. You’re gonna eat all the date things anyway, even if you made a face at me earlier when I wanted to buy the dates in the first place.


Now he’s back talking to the neighbor that I’m not fond of. Ever since they weren’t talking all winter (no clue why, Justin wouldn’t answer me when I asked) everything seemed better between me and Justin. The whole first year I was always pondering whether to move out and end things, the past few months it started feeling more permanent and I was kind of happy.
Now the neighbor is back and it’s bothering me. I don’t trust Justin when he’s around cause I know they do drugs together and Justin tries to hide it from me and in my head if he would hide that then what else is he hiding. The worst part is the neighbor is a total tool and constantly tries to break justin and I up. If Justin goes and drinks there he’ll tell me oh Justin left around 2 and never came back when he knows Justin didn’t come home (next door) until 5. He does it purposely to get me going. Even I know he’s actually bullshitting and when you’re an overthinker like me you examine every possible scenario that could be true lol.

This probably doesn’t make any sense. I just smoked a bunch of weed and drank 3-4 coolers ( I know I’m a light weight since I stopped drinking for a while there) in the bath, with a mask. I needed me time. I don’t know if getting buzzed helped or not though.

Monday he’s supposed to take the car to get the machine put in to blow into or whatever. This is my car. I agreed to it cause I work from home and he needs to get to work and doesn’t have a car. He got a DUI before we even knew each other now he’s allowed to drive again but needs that machine in the vehicule.
I don’t even know if I’m gonna be here in a month right. Should I get a dumb machine that basically fucks all my summer plans? I don’t drink and drive. ( I have but since I’ve grown so much this past year I think it’s stupid) but I mean I will have a beer or two or have a glass of wine at supper. This machine ensures that won’t happen.
Not to mention if we break up, who’s gonna end up having to pay to get it taken out? My car is a shitbox so who’s gonna have to pay to get a new one when they didn’t even use the last of the mileage on this one?

Me. Like every other time I trust men, it’s gonna be me that pays for it.

Urgh. I was so happy two days ago that none of these petty ass thoughts were coming into my head. My games have been fully downloaded onto my ps5 for 4 hours now and I don’t even wanna play them anymore cause he made me feel stupid for buying it in the first place. The worst part is if you asked him he would say it wasn’t a big deal and he wasn’t saying it meaning that. However if you’re me in that moment you take it to heart and he HAS to know that by now.

I gotta give him some slack right? Maybe it’s just me. Overthinking. Then part of me wonders if I’m just the dumb ass staying in a situation that others would be like wtf like last time. It’s like these fuckers ease you into it and make you accept stupidity little by little and then you don’t know what’s Okay and not. Is it just me?

Hopefully Monday I will be normal again. I feel it happening and I need it to be okay tomorrow. Anger. Angst. Anxiety.


Tomorrow will be better. Positive thoughts.

Omg y’all I was in the bath with a mask on and took a snap of my mask face and sent to my best friend mymy. Instead of clicking send to mymy I just posted it to my story.

2 hours later (just now) one of my other friends replied you sexy to my story. I instantly took it down without looking at the 8 people that saw it.
My life sucks.
I’m definitely too stoned so will end this now and probably delete it when I read it Monday.

Fuck my life.

Renee ox