The lonely codependent

Addicted to you no more
2023-03-15 20:23:42 (UTC)

'Off my drug' all day

It was a long day and I'm tired so I don't think I'll be able to provide a detailed report on today's events. But I'm very happy and don't feel the need to hook up with someone or worry about my relationship status to feel good, so I think I'm in the right place at the moment.

The people were nice so I didn't feel disconnected at all unlike last time before I went to the pub. That was very surprising because sometimes I did feel left out. If I ever become anyone's enemy, I suggest them to use "being left out" as a weapon against me because that's exactly the thing in this world that can easily and quickly destroy me totally - which is understandable as I had to face it during my whole childhood and teenage years. But in situations like this I usually just try to pull myself together and it seems that as long as I don't feel disconnected I'm fine.

Well, this does not mean that I'll not have this feeling when I go home to my family, so I don't know.

So I was probably among the right people this time. The reason why I'm still not home yet is because they kept inviting me to other places so I made a lot of new experiences today. I still don't know how to make these relationships long-lasting but I don't seem to worry about that at the moment. Unfortunately this process will also include spending some money in the near future as it seems.

Sometimes I also feel like I'm still looking for my identity. Do I really want to always be a tourist in my own country and talk about culture and such stuff? I don't know but often I'm trying to learn to let go of control and leave things up to God. I do believe he will lead me to the right place at the right time - but he already owns me 10 years of fun in the best relationship in the world because of the huge delay regarding that. If I were younger, there would be no problem but I'm still worried because I feel too old to be single.

So, I feel fine now and should be like this every day, free of my love-addiction. I don't know what tomorrow brings and therefore how long I'll be able to keep things on the right track, but I should definitely use my current condition as a way of motivation.

I don't know what else I wanted to say, my mind is already falling asleep so good evening/night/morning/idk everyone!

Ps: yes, sometimes doing things alone is more comfortable than doing them with other people but the latter definitely makes me feel much better after all, even my subconscious mind knows that.

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