Notes from my Black
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Picking up my day and her bf across the state today. His pretentious parents are coming tomorrow morning to pick him up from the house. I don’t expect they will want to come in… because no time we picked him up from their house did they invite us in. Seems fair to expect these same. Regardless, we cleaned and got some basic things done that did need to get done. The porch is. Ow clean and habitable. It’s still winterized but it’s cleaned, plants are watered and it a cozy place to hang. I have some repairs to do in the kitchen that I have been putting off… mostly because the shelved I hung were a failure and I wasn’t sure how to fix them. I will maybe start that in the next few weeks. 6 shelves will take me a week to make and replace. Ridiculous. Just because I made a terrible decision to adhesive them up. Then they sagged. Now I have to cut them off and replace them without damaging the tile behind them.
Relationships are tricky for me. I take too much for granted I think. I don’t ever expect the worst, and maybe that is my own ignorance. I just never see that clandestine manipulation or insult or underlying seething hatred. I guess ignorance isn’t really bliss, huh… especially when you realize YOU are the ignorant one. I also never expect the inevitable cycle. Right now it’s going well. Five minutes from now I could say or do something to put it in a tailspin… even something as dumb as me wishing someone would fail at something, like politically. She may extrapolate that I wish them harm or that I’m a nasty person not to be trusted because of my over arching hatred… but all I wanted is for them to not get that bill passed that is so blatantly racist, mysogenistic, or whatever my reasoning is/was. She just seems on the lookout for these faults. Then tells me she doesn’t want me to be perfect. Then practically disappears for hours into her phone probably documenting what a jerk I am… idk…this week is better, I’m just gonna ride the wave, be happy I get to see my daughter a few days and see about maybe getting laid sometime in the next months…