The lonely codependent

Addicted to you no more
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2023-03-15 08:31:17 (UTC)

From dating proposal to ons

How could I not think about guys constantly if my subconscious mind won't leave me alone with them?

I had to get up quite early today so when I woke up I was very confused for the first few seconds. Then I realized that I'd just woken up from a dream in which a guy from my past asked me if I have any plans to ever move in together with him (or if he should consider moving to my country to live with me, it wasn't totally clear). My answer would obviously be 'let's give it a chance' if the latter is the case. But before I could answer I already woke up.

I'm curious if this has anything to do with telepathy and he will text me or something. Obviously he's not likely to ask me this in real life but we can still chat as we sometimes do.

Would this have been possible in the past? Maybe, as when we first met he asked me to date him. But I didn't want a long-distance relationship so I chose another guy instead with whom I then lived for a year, he was my narcissistic ex.

For this reason the other guy got angry and wouldn't talk to me for 2 years or so even though he also found a gf to live with even longer than I did with my ex.

Last summer the ice was finally broken as they had broken up too and he was coming to my city on holiday so we decided to meet. I didn't really know what to expect, a part of me was hoping history would repeat itself. But it didn't so I ended up having an ONS and still craving for more.

I don't regret anything though other than still not being married, but that can't be the fault of just one of the many guys from my past. I've already lost count while I've always wanted to have just one person forever - like in a fairy tale, how complicated!