The lonely codependent

To socialize or not to socialize?

I'll have fewer tasks to do tomorrow. A great chance to just relax and sit in front of the computer... at least it seemed so until I heard that my 'friends' are organizing another event. The weather is also nice finally so I can't really find any good reason not to go out anymore besides the deep feeling of disconnection that I've felt towards people recently.

Because of that it does not seem like an easy ride but I want new experiences, don't I? People keep saying you need to be open if you are single and want to find someone. I hate that expression because it sounds like 'you constantly need to step out of your comfort zone besides having a wish to make it come true because if you do nothing you may be stuck forever' - which may be true but it is still annoying. I'm in the hopeless phase again anyway, which means it is very hard to convince me that one day I'll really end up in a long-lterm relationship, I'm kinda giving up on it. The guy who is organizing the event is already married so yet again I'll be able to see how unlucky I am compared to people like him.

Never mind, I need to find qualities about myself other than 'single' or 'not single'. I had a thought that I might change the name of this diary if I end up getting into a relationship after all but that would only reinforce this idea so I'm not so sure about that anymore. I don't need to worry about it at the moment of course (although this would be the only kind of worry that I wish I had every day, every hour and every minute). So let's see, let everything be about gaining new experience instead without judging it.