The lonely codependent

Pregnancy scare?

I'm not having a pregnancy scare as it's way too early for that (I already have before though and this experience is very scary if you're childree).

For those who have not heard of this phenomenon, it means that you are experiencing symptoms - such as nausea, bleeding, etc. - that make you think you may be pregnant while you are probaly not.

So what happened is that I realized I've run out of birth control. There are a few days every month when I don't need to take the pills so I have enough time to buy the new box. There can be problems only if I sleep with someone during this time and then don't start the next box on time - which could easily happen now.

I live in a country where women are being encouraged to have more kids and not fewer, so the process is a bit complicated. I need to call my doctor who has to write a prescription. If I don't have a lot of money at the moment I can ask for medicine enough for I month instead of the usual amount that's enough for 3 months, but not every pharmacy has boxes of medicine for 1 month.

Anyway, I tried this option and was lucky because the local pharmacy has what I need so everything is going to be OK. Taking the circumstances into consideration I'm very unlikely to get pregnant anyway but i don't even want to give it any slim chance. I always have a lot of thoughts on my mind about being childfree and not wanting to lose my freedom, which I've never even really had.

I don't care that my body is able to reproduce. I see this as an extra feature that is there but I'll never use. I don't see this as an essential part of femininity and something for which I should respect myself (I do for other things of course). I won't change my mind until I find a long-term partner with whom I can experience freedom and new fun experiences for a few years. If that happened, maybe I'd be open to seeing the issue from a different perspective, but I think by then it will already be too late anyway.

The freedom I've never really had - even my body sabotages it so I'm grateful to science.