Never Broken
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2023-03-11 02:42:36 (UTC)

Yes, I’m drunk. Why do you give a damn?

I am writing this in a state of drunkenness, heading towards paralytic. I do not get drunk often. Stoned, yes, but not drunk. Still, there are occasions and people, that drive a man to drink, if he is so inclined and I have had several of these lately.

For one thing, the more I am discovering about my Catholic faith, the more I’m discovering just how much my mother has been led astray. I do not say this because she is a Protestant, for many Protestants follow correct biblical teachings. I have no problem with that.

I was speaking to Carrie yesterday about my mother’s favourite theologian, David Jeremiah. Don’t get me wrong, I love Dr. Jeremiah. I think he is a kind and humble man who truly wants to bring people closer to God. I do not blindly follow him as my mother does. Carrie mentioned that she felt the same way, with the exception of Jeremiah’s teaching on the end times. This is a bit complicated and I’m happy to share the video Carrie sent me that explains the different schools of thought regarding the end times.

Amillennialists, like Catholics, pre-Tribulation, pre-millennial, pre-trib, post-mill, mid-Trib, pre and post mill, post-Trib pre and post-Mill. Dr. Jeremiah is a pre-Tribulation, pre-millennialist. He basically believes that Christians will be taken up before a tribulation occurs on earth and that after that, before the final judgment, those “left behind” will have a chance to accept or deny Christ. This would have us understand that Christ would come three times. The first time has already passed. The second time would be when Christ takes up the Christians and the third time would be at the final judgment. This is not biblically based.

Carrie said that this pre-Mill, pre-Trib viewpoint was only as old as the 1800’s. I wanted more information and, as I said, she sent me a video that explained it for me.

Now, you’d think I’d know better than to enter into a religious discussion with my anti-Catholic mother. But, like a fool, I tried. It did not go well. Add to that my anger over her feelings on me praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet with those on Relevant Radio, and you might have guessed…. Powder keg. She told me this morning that I did not need a radio to pray. I acknowledged that this was true, however, you do need the radio to pray for the people calling into the radio program asking for prayers. I told her this morning not to front me for trying to do my part as a Christian. She then asked me if I thought she wasn’t. I do, but I spoke the truth. It is not up to me to judge her relationship with God. My obligation as a Christian, is to tell her when she is going astray and how, just as it is hers to do this for me. What the other person does with it is up to them, though. I then told her that I would not discuss my prayers and how I pray them, or anything to do with my praying, with her. And I meant it.

Yesterday, as I might have mentioned, (can’t remember), her dog ate all my wee dog’s food and supplements and a canvas bag I got from my grandfather. That was £400 in food and dog supplements eaten whilst she was 10 feet away working. She did not even offer to compensate me for the damage *her* dog did. I had to spend the last of my money for this month, replacing the dog’s food and medicines.

This evening, we had to go out to get some things and we put my big girl in the kennel. Now, since my mother is a borderline hoarder, and since her home in Texas is worse than her home in Belfast, and since she refuses to remove items from where the dogs can grab them even inside their kennels, my big girl destroyed all the toilet roll whilst she was in the kennel and we were gone. My mother’s response was to be physically violent to the dog.

Firstly, the dog did that, destroying things, at least an hour before we got home. This means that when she received a physical punishment, she associated it not with the destruction, but with us coming home. How is that going to teach her anything? I made some snide remark about it not being appropriate dog training and she informed me that she was not a dog trainer. I then replied, I don’t think she heard me, “Yes, and you shouldn’t be a dog owner, either.” When my dog came into the bedroom, she asked if I was going to discipline her. I said no, the time has past. I told her that I would not punish a dog for something it would not understand, that it was abusive and cruel. I then found an article for her that explains how and when to punish. I sent it to her with a personal note. I hope she reads it. I compensated her for the toilet roll. I had to borrow money from one of the boys to do it, but as my son said to me, “Just because she acted dishonourably by not even offering to compensate you for damage her dog did, does not mean you can act dishonourably and not compensate her for the damage *your* dog did.” He is correct. I was originally going to tell her I would compensate her when she compensated me.

So, as you might imagine, I have reason to be getting drunk right now. I will be so excited when the boys and I can go to Carrie’s next weekend. I need to get out of here.

After coming home, the dog fiasco and finding and sending the article, I tried to play music to get rid of my anger and sadness. It just made things worse, so now I am binge watching SVU on Hulu. I can’t wait for this day to be over.