The lonely codependent

Do I like hookups?

I've been talking to a few people from here and they say I seem to like hookups.

Well, that is partly true as this is the only way I can experience some of the things that are missing from my life the most. For example connecting with people and making new experiences with them, showing my femininity, care for a guy and feel that I'm attractive, etc.

On the other hand I'm about to get another STD test done soon before continuing this lifestyle and who needs all this stress? At least I can (hopefully) celebrate my negative result with this guy who says I should go to his apartment in the evening when I'll be drunk after a party - which is how things usually are, but he lives on the outskirts, which can be dangerous to visit alone under these circumstances. So here's the first sign of disrespect - which you can get quite often in a situation like this. That obviously won't help someone who is dying to find emotional security, therefore I keep living in a kind of lack - the lack of the fulfillment of these needs and the lack of opportunity to find a long-term relationship, which would help eliminate all these disadvantages.

That would be ideal for me though so I'd no longer be able to complain about the disadvantages...