Never Broken
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2023-03-06 01:36:27 (UTC)


I am awake and alive like I haven’t been in years. Today was a day I’ve looked forward to for a year. I was supposed to go to a festival that I really enjoy. I was planning to go but then, the dog became ill. I still could have gone, I go for the vendors mainly, and not spent much money…but I didn’t see the point of doing all that walking, making my pain worse, just for the sake of going. I decided that I needed to save my remaining funds in case the dog needs to go back to the vet.

Was I disappointed? Yes. Very much. And yet…. I understand. Going to a festival, spending a ton of money on things I want but do not need, is not going to get me closer to Heaven. Everything we do on this earth — all the books we read, television we watch, music we love and material possessions we crave — are all meaningless. They don’t mean a damn thing. They aren’t going to help me prepare for eternity. Not only that, but every cross we carry, every pain we suffer, disappointment and heartache we endure, is another payment made to buy us a ticket to Heaven. Conversely, every act of mercy, charity, love and kindness we perform has the same effect. It’s like we get to go to Heaven on an instalment plan. We must make all of the payments, that is glorifying God and living by His word, to get there.

I bore my disappointment cheerfully, once my sleeping pill wore off that is. I went to Mass with the boys. It was a nice service. I brought the big girl and she performed well enough. Church is boring for a young active dog. After that, we came home and I listened to music with one of the boys, watched a little of a documentary marathon I’m watching and talked to Carrie for a while. I have just finished dinner about 20 minutes ago and I am thinking of taking a nap.