Dream Scribe

2023-03-04 02:44:00 (UTC)

No Neutral Zone.

Another hard day. Good things happened too. People can be so creepy. Non sexual creepiness yesterday. I'm making a little progress. Still having to fight people off the only place on earth that I can call home.

They've been in my home again. One of the front windows was tampered with. Didn't emotionally change me at all neither did it do my head in. They use my neighbours units. I don't like this because should they get it wrong? My neighbours' antisocial behaviour worsens towards me and they HAVE got it wrong. They've even used my neighbour's car, the one I absolutely cannot stand, the sociopath. I'm convinced this one has done jail time for rape. He hasn't changed at all. Still a sleazy, sick creep who has made my life hell by living here.
They're next door alright. I'm starting to feel a little better about this. I never feel better about their use of infrared vision devices. Never. That's just fucked up creepy. When they break into my house, my clothing sometimes is tampered with. My used clothing so I try to wash clothes that are vulnerable. This makes me sick and angry. They could be allowing that rapist next door to come in here. The break-ins happen a lot when he's here. Or it could be them or both. This cunt behaviour, them breaking into my home has sent me into paranoid deeply fearful episodes that last for days. Maybe they have outfitted every creepy male and female who live in this village with keys or "keys" or taught them to break in, so they can do whatever they want. I've had money stolen, a phone taken amongst other things , and a lot of other things happen during these break-ins as well.

Every time I leave my home something happens. Every time.

Nobody helps me. I shout loud enough for others to hear what's going on and nobody helps me. It's been this way for a long time : 3 1/2 years. Sad isn't it? They'd rather listen to my rage and pain than do anything to help alleviate it.

There's an old house on the hill behind where I'm situated in the village. There's something about this place that triggers my gut instinct. Only in recent months, though I do think the change with this old house happened long before that.
The trouble with being severely traumatized and exiting psychosis, is that the brain cannot pick up too much new information with certain things relating to the source of the trauma. It's way too dangerous. Like a casual observance of adjustments around me without taking too much. I notice enough. When I do have cause to notice I'm instantly right in it 100%. Been extremely cautious about hypervigilance too lately. Not worth it. I know what to look for, because at this stage it's all so familiar. The bulk of my energy goes into walking (very painful) and picking my battles. People are assholes and it's these assholes that I need to deal with. The majority of them don't even know that I am dealing with them but I am. Fucken take that. I don't feel sicker for my efforts, it's blessing me with courage to find new and better ways to deal with the same public behaviour that once used to completely baffle me.

Please stop breaking into my home. You don't need to do this. It's been blessed. You are disturbing the blessing. I hate this reality. You people are not a nice reality at all. There's nothing here in my home that you need to know about.

I think they are doing this protection detail longer because of course they get paid for it. Maybe they don't care it I live or die, it's just about money, training and experience. Maybe it's just money. I feel incredibly exploited. I am being exploited. I'm not as fucked off as I once was but still angry. And afraid. Fear. They are masters at creating fear. It's what the world runs on, fear. I'm not stupid. You're stupid for overlooking and foolishly ignoring my team and my intelligence.

God will release me from all of them and all of this in His due time. He looks after me, Guides and Protects me. It will be over when He says it is, whether they accept this or....

They use me as a Sitting Duck. I'm not. At all. They've got that wrong.

I'm not afraid to write this anymore.

What a fucken BRILLIANT MESS UP.

I am convinced that the neighbours and many others are involved. One or a few against many. Evil.