Never Broken
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2023-02-28 23:09:53 (UTC)

Sleepy day…

I have not been able to do much today other than sleep. Being out of my supplement means I am in an extra amount of pain since I am not on narcotic medication anymore…. I was going to break down and go to hospital, but I may not have to do that. I am waiting for my mother to call me from the store to see what they have that might have worked. I would have gone with her, but for once, she didn’t ask me if I wanted to go, and if she didn’t ask, I wasn’t going to volunteer.

I talked to Carrie today for a bit via text and last night via text. She told me that she felt she was spiritually foundering and that the more she feels content, the less she feels she needs people, but the more she is lonely and sad and discontented, the more she needs people, but her anxiety is too high to deal with them. She did mention that she hoped I didn’t feel that she was pushing me away. Um, well, yeah, I do. I responded diplomatically. I said, “I think you need space.” Then, I explained that I do wonder from time to time, but I was sure to keep it general. Then, I explained that when I wonder, it’s because a lot of times my fractured and fragmented mind imagines a slight where none is intended. I explained that I don’t often say anything because I don’t know if the person is really angry, frustrated, upset, etc, or if it’s just me perceiving things where they don’t exist.

I have decided that since I have not caught her in a serious lie, little fibs, yes, but not a serious lie, I will give her the benefit of the doubt, for now. It was odd, I was all upset because I had not heard from her. I was planning to not respond when she texted. I was planning to wait and see what happened. Passive aggressive? Perhaps. That didn’t happen though. I will just bide my time. Yesterday, I was thinking of all the reasons I felt slighted and pushed away. I numbered them in my head. I was going to write them down and send them to her in a week or two…. She did mention today that she wanted to see me again before I go home, and the boys and my big dog that she didn’t get to meet, so maybe that’s a good sign?

I think I shall return to this program I’m watching. It’s Canadian and it’s about murderers who use water to try and hide their crimes.