just venting my depression and problems
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2023-02-27 16:49:00 (UTC)

27 - 02

Sorry for not posting updated the last few days.
I'm not dead tho.
I was just tired.
I got back home from Paris.
It was relatively fun
But I'm glad I'm home

Yesterday I was home pretty much all day...
And I barely did anything
I still felt overwhelmed...
Why am I like this?
I played some videogames yesterday.
And called with my cousin
It was fun
I played some enter the gungeon
Some Minecraft and some wizard of legend(s?)
It was cool I guess.

I'm pretty happy.
I mean
I still want to die n shit.
I still want it to end.
But yea
My mom said I could look for nearby places for boxing courses or some shit.
Would be cool
I'd love to get into that.
Maybe some other sport too.
Like free running/parkour/whatever the fuck you want to call it
Maybe Karate. And like. Weight lifting? Or maybe calisthenics, idk it seems pretty cool

It's pretty cold holy shit
It's like 13.3 C° in my room
That's pretty cold I think, idk tho
Just laying in bed rn
I really want school to stop
I don't want to go again tomorrow
Actually I never wanna go again
I feel sick
I don't want to see those pieces of shit ever again
I just want them to die

Last entry I just stopped at 5
I don't know why
I just stopped
I didn't feel like writing everything
I feel so bad
I feel sick
I told myself I should stream Saturday, but I didn't
I barely streamed since like.
The start of the holidays.
I don't feel like streaming tonight
I need a break.
Not from streaming...
From life.
I don't want to live anymore
I just want to stop existing
I just want time to stop for a bit.
I want to fix a bunch of shit in my life.
But I don't want to put in the effort.
It's like.

Do you ever just sit in bed and think like, hmm I should really do x or y , but not once like you think that 13 times but you don't get up...
Like if you weren't controlling your body
Like I just sit there.
And I'm like... Damn, I should really do my homework, but then I don't do it till 11:30 PM but then I do it in like 7 minutes (relatively fast)
Idk happens to me
But I'm pretty wierd

Do you know when like
Anxious people or whatever (like ADHD and all that shit too) they like.. move their leg all the time
I do that
But like
All the time, all the time
Sometimes I do it standing, or when I'm in bed.
And then there are days where I don't do it at all.
But I pretty much never sit still
Except when I zone out
Which happens pretty often now that I think about it...

This is a long ass text.
Maybe because I go to the next line a lot.
But like
It's pretty long, or like, longer than my usual shit.
Probably because I have more time than usual

Pieces of fucking shit
I hope they all die.
School started again...
I hate it.
It's so shit.
I don't want to see all these shitheads again
I don't want to go back to all the stress
I just want to stay home
Glad I'm back home
These morons are literally like below retarded IQ I swear
They are so dumb
A teacher was getting mad at some kid for being a shithead
And she was saying shit like "have you ever heard of manners" right?
Then this other kid asked "miss you were the one talking about manners but you didn't even let him finish a sentence, you were always cutting him midway"
Like shut yo ass up you fucking smoothbrained idiot.
He has like negative iq I guess

Also whyy the fuck are the escalators always broken at the fucking tram station.
It's like
Ive barely ever seen it work.
Maybe once or twice
But I mean like all the escalators I take.
I take 2 or 3 depends the day.
But there are always some that are broken
It's annoying as hell
I had to take the broken ones today
Cuz I left the space in the trams for those other assholes.
I just want to stay home now
Never go there again

I want to sleep

I also want to start programing
I want to make a game
And I'll probably document it too.
I have to make a second yt channel.
I won't tell anyone about it tho
I'll start once I get my new mic
I still have to figure out some things. But yk 5hat shouldn't be too hard
It'll be a rogue like I think
With pixel art cuz I can't draw
And then uh yea...
I'll figure my shit out

Altho knowing me once I get the new mic I'll still be procrastinating
But eh.
I'll try
If you don't see a new programer channel poping up.
Well then just remind me

My back hurts for some reason
Oh wait nvm.
I know why.
Because of my heavy ass bag...
Fuck that
Why the shit do I have to take that much at school
That reminds me.
I have to take some stuff out of my bag, and replace my folder.
I'm too lazy to do that rn tho.
I'll do it later.
I think