Never Broken
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2023-02-25 14:38:55 (UTC)

A trick of memory

For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated by the mind and brain. How does it all work? How does it work when parts are missing or damaged? It is cold here this morning, almost freezing, and I have not ventured outside at all. I’ve only been awake for a couple of hours and I haven’t left my bed. I have payed some on my game, watched some TV, and am now just sitting here waiting for the household to stir before I wake everyone by moving around. When I get up, the dogs get up and when the dogs get up, it is no longer quiet, especially around this time of day, which is their feeding time.

So imagine my surprise when as I was watching a program about a prison riot, I was tricked by memory. I say tricked because nothing happened to trigger this memory. What was I remembering? The smell of rain. How it makes me feel alive. How the right circumstances and the right kind of rain, can really be a balm to my soul. Along with this, I remember many things that happened in the rain. Coming home from hospital, feeling much improved and glad to be alive, attempting to get errands done, laughing and joking with my father as we navigated, training dogs in the rain, the rain pouring down, music up loud and pain medication to relieve some of this pain…. Ahhh, the memories. All good ones, but all so sad. Sad because it’s not raining. Sad because my parents are elderly now and there won’t be many memories left to make.

It is called cognitive dissonance when you’re happy and sad at the same time? Is that what you call it, or do you just call it bittersweet and move on? I guess I’ll never know.