Never Broken
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2023-02-25 00:29:38 (UTC)

Humility prayers, trauma books and conversations with my mother…

A group of friends and I are doing Hallow’s £Pray40 challenge for Lent. On Thursday, we did the humility prayers. It was odd. Before we started the praying, the guide said that the prayers were hard. I, being as wise and wonderful as I think I am, scoffed at this. Praying isn’t hard, I thought. It just takes a little focus and a little time. Boy, am I eating crow today. Not only were the prayers challenging, but they also had me in tears by the end because I see, in my life, just how I need to work harder to imitate Christ.

I am reading a book on trauma and dissociation and those with dissociative disorders. I have complex PTSD which means I dissociate. I also have a dissociative disorder. Which one is unimportant. This book also had me emotional. Everything the author said…. It was like she was pointing directly at *me*, calling my name, letting everyone see *me* as her example. This is good. It means I am self aware and that’s a start.

This book reading led to a conversation with my mother about dissociation, why I don’t go out much, etc. She didn’t ask questions, but she listened. She didn’t even scoff or try and say I do not do these things, that is, dissociate, have dissociative parts. It’s a start, right?