Things I see and hear
2001-10-11 02:59:38 (UTC)


So lonely. I sat under a tree for half an hour today,
sitting, thinking, idly watching soccer and cross country
practices. I was listening to some of the most beautiful
music I have ever heard, you probably don't know where it's
from, though. Real mellow stuff, and I enjoyed it a lot,
but it damn near brought a tear to my eye. Not a difficult
feat, true, but it made me think. I was depressed about the
fact that this country is at war, and so many times of
listening to Edwin Starr's anthem for peace caused the
lyrics to flash through my head. I sat back, in a near
meditative state, thinking-alone physically, spiritually,
mentally. I reclused myself after an incident that happened
2 years ago, almost to the day. This girl was a fiery
chick, and...never mind. I'm not going to go too far into
it. I sat, chilled and mellowed, under a tree, in some
cedar mulch. A couple of bugs crawled on my jacket, but I
let them be. There was a ladybug crawling on my collar,
shell dented and with what remained of one wing dragging
along behind it. My instinct was to flick it off-city boy,
remember-but I let it be, it was as screwed as I was,
probably even more so. It crawled all over my arm, and
finally I had to set it down on the grass. It got flipped
over in a gust of wind, and crawled along on a small piece
of mulch upside down, like it was going somewhere, all
upside down. It made me think, it was a disturbing parallel
to me, except there wasn't a benevolent hand to turn it
over. Finally, the CD ended and I got up, got ready to
leave, and headed off. I stopped in at a diner on the way
home, made an order for some fries (my staple) and waited.
It was about closing time, and most of the chairs were up,
but none theless, the ladybug crawled along my collar and
down my sleeve. I got my order, paid for it, and left the
restaurant workers a red and black spotted present crawling
along the cashier. I felt a little better.