The lonely codependent

Prove me wrong please!

Me: - I'll never have a boyfriend, the same old sh!t, blah blah blah...
Therapist: - Never? You said you already have 3 exes. There may be some facts that can prove you wrong. I want you to think about those till next time.
Me: - OK, fine (if this helps), see you next time!

I would never have thought I could be proven wrong so easily and quickly after this but to be honest I like it. At last I can feel that destiny is finally doing its job.

Not long ago I saw a Facebook post in which a girl shared her story of how she was traveling on a plane and met a guy there whom she dated for 2 months. My first thought was that that's not me! That will NEVER be me! I struggle to find normal matches on Tinder so how I could I meet "normal" guys just by accident? That's totally impossible!

Obviously the only way to give that a chance is to go out more often, which I'm planning to do. But I still think that just like last year, this might also end up in more hookups for me. I know how I work and the rest of the story will prove that I haven't changed much as it seems.

So, I left for home from my therapist and went to the bus station. I was about to buy my ticket and already imagined what the trip would look like because it's always the same basically.

A guy was sitting on a bench next to me while I was standing in line. Then he stood up and started talking to me in English. It turned out he was a tourist and already leaving the country - which is possible to do by bus but he was in fact waiting for a shared car.

He asked me if I had internet on my phone as the wifi at the bus station was not working. I did so I shared it and we talked a little bit. Then we also drank a beer together. He was very close to me physically all along and in the end I drank his beer so it's obvious what would have happened if he had stayed longer.

I know I would have slept with him, that's not a question. I also know that this is not what the people around me want to hear from me but I know myself too well already. Ond's are still on the cards for me even though I know they don't make me happy in the long term and I'd be more than ready to give them up at any time for a serious relationship. I wouldn't even think about having them again.

Now what? I need to make new experiences and connections regardless of whether I'm single or not. Not having any expectations is sometimes hard though. I still don't have any close relationship other than my family so this wall between me and the outer world is getting more and more scary as time passes. I don't want to meet my old acquaintances and feel that they are total strangers to me by now.

I'm also thinking what I should do about this new guy. I probably don't try hard enough to keep in touch with people I've met before so that's one of the things I need to work on.

I'm still planning to meet yet another male friend. I have no clue what to expect because I've known him for quite a while and nothing has ever happened between us. But he's a guy after all.

Making deep connections is still confusing for me anyway so we will see. It's time to be more open - which I hate to hear because it means you basically need to make yourself visible if you want to find someone. Which I couldn't be trying harder but thank God my luck factor finally seems to be improving too. It was about time!