Notes from my Black
The opposites repel
I was told I should journal more by Her. Go figure. She thinks we were getting along better because I was letting all my feels out… and therapy. Now she thinks I’m a dick- I paraphrase. She wants to take a step back from our relationship and be less committed. Hm. She wants to dissociate from me just a little so she isn’t so hurt by my inability to talk about feelings and important things.
Later she asks me what I got out of our conversation. I tell her “Well, I think you half broke up with me and I don’t know where to go with that.” This just pissed gas on flammable Cheerios. Tears and her raised voice and all kinds of metaphors… finally I asked her what the hell she’s talking about. I don’t understand your metaphors. They make no sense to me and you act like it’s just everyday knowledge what these things are, so I don’t want to say anything, but really I just feel incredibly stupid.
Then tonight she insisted on making me dinner and doing dishes. You know how many fingers I have? Well she’s done dishes about that many times without it being my birthday. I probably exaggerate… but still. Dinner was delicious… Vegan white sauce (I made that) over grilled mushrooms and penne pasta (I made that too… I guess she just did the mushrooms. It was her idea though…
Anyway. My feels are bottled up and I just want to sleep for approximately 19 1/2 eternities. K?
I said this months ago and periodically before that. I’m a freaking nightmare partner. I congratulate all my ex’s for having the foresight to get the hell away from me. I think I should add most all of my friends too. It’s got to be hard being my friend.