ChillMonsoon

Paris

Wellllllll
I went to Paris today...
I had to wake up so earlyyy, it was like 7 am
IM NOT USED TO IT, not during holidays at least.
I was really tired all day
We went and saw some stuff
We ate some pizza at noon and japanese or asian (idk seemed japanese) in the evening
Cool stuff I guess
Sometimes I realize I say loads of shit about my siblings
I'd really miss my little brother if he went away...
Anyhow, had some fun today
I was thinking about how like
It's really hilarious how some dumb edgy kids (I used to be like that) say shit like "yeah im numb to emotions" or shit like "I don't feel emotions"
It's so cringy and edgy n shit
All tryin to act depresso expresso...
Man...
I'm glad I grew out of that phase
I know I feel shit, emotions, happiness, pain
But you know...
I still feel so depressed, so unmotivated to do anything, I always feel like I want to die..
No.
That's a lie.
Not always.
But often
Very often
When I think of suicide...
I often have to puke...
It's such a shitty thing.
I know 2 people who killed themselves.
Real sad
One of em was my friend, we were decently close, but I never realized he felt like that untill it happend...
The other one was an online friend, I'd never met them
But we talked for a while I guess.
About 4 months.
It sucks

I just read the title of the entry again...
And I realized I completely wandered of...
Well that doesn't matter, it's already quite late for me (11) now I usually go to sleep much later but I have to wake up at like 7 tomorrow so I don't want to be tired as hell like I was today...
Goodnight/good day y'all

-CM