Never Broken
2023-02-22 18:41:37 (UTC)

Well, I was right…

I am trying really really hard not to board the bus to Paranoiaville right now. It’s been a peaceful couple of days with Carrie out of the state and me playing my game and reading most of the time. I’ve heard from her on and off as her time permits. She does not seem to be having the good time I’d hoped. The things we do out of family obligation….

In a previous entry, (Haven’t heard), I mentioned that Carrie wanted me to go down there, up there, what do they say round here, on the 24th and stay with her whilst Allen is gone. I made the observation that it probably wouldn’t be happening. Nothing was said about it then, or since, but I just got a text message. It was at the end of a group of messages where she was telling me about what she was up to there. Here is the message:

I do have one more thing to tell you, and it’s kind of hard, because I’m not sure how you’ll take it. Allen doesn’t want us to pick you up this weekend to stay with me while he goes to get his mom. It’s nothing personal at all. I swear. It’s just that, he’s going to have a very very long day on Saturday, after driving in rush-hour traffic to pick me up on Friday. He wants at least one day to relax, which I totally understand. I guess it’s time for me to put my big girl panties on and be brave. Honestly though, I’ll probably be doing a lot of sleeping. I hope you understand.


Do I understand? Yes. I do. That is perfectly reasonable and I was wondering how that would all work out for several reasons. I told her it was fine, I understood and when I’d be able to spend time with her and Allen next. Still, there is a part of me, admittedly a large part of me, that wonders…. Is this because of what happened? Do they just not want to tell me the truth?

I can’t exactly say to them, we’ll work through it just tell me the truth when I, myself, was deceitful. Still, my deceit was caused not by malice, but out of a desire to protect certain things related to my work.

I’d rather her just tell me the truth, if that isn’t the truth, and us either work through it still, as we have been doing, or end the friendship before any more damage is done to all of us. I guess I’ll just have to live with my paranoia and try to beat it back out of the forefront of my thoughts.

Cursing my second sight,