colabear

Ecstasy in Outer Space

My world is slow and fast. Classes stroll by; but after school, time slips through my fingers before they’re caught. Nighttime is a gap in my memory where I fall onto my bed and spring up after my alarm rings.

I’ve often felt a blanket of fatigue fall onto me when I arrive home and no amount of sleep on the bus can undo its effect. But I glance at the assignments waiting for me to complete.

Sometimes, I can’t focus. When I stare at the screen of questions, my mind can’t stop replaying these tiny moments. I am paralyzed by their repetition and I repeat “I hate myself. I hate myself…” every time I’m struck by the moment of awkwardness.

I know music doesn’t help when learning. But I put on my headphones anyway.

I am transferred into outer space where I am soft and light. I no longer see the faces in my head when I stare at the math question and only hear bubbly sounds of ecstasy. I no longer sense the pull of reality and float into the air where I belong. As the waves roll over my body, I feel serene like watching a seagull fly by.

I can’t run away from this world where I’m crushed with blankets of fatigue.

But, maybe, this is the closest I’ll get.

🌈