Never Broken
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2023-02-21 02:03:27 (UTC)

Conversations with annoying people, and…

So Carrie is off for the week going to her sister’s in Arizona to help her as she is having surgery and asked for her sister and mum to go there to be with her for a couple of days. I won’t get to talk with her or text her very much and this makes me sad. Speaking of that, I know I have Asperger’s, PTSD, anxiety and yeah, abandonment issues. A couple of other things thrown in for fun, but sometimes, I get so burned up that I don’t get a text all day long. I don’t say anything, for I think to myself that this is wrong, she has a life and a family that you are only a part of. She has other responsibilities and other friends. Relax. Just because she doesn’t text you a couple hours after you do does not mean she’s angry, hates you, is ignoring you, etc.

Now, mind you, this is not due to possession. I’ve been like this for years with all the people I like/admire. I never do anything about it, because, because I know I’m the one being silly. And because in my 42 years I’ve learned that most of the time, it isn’t all about me. I think what I’m getting at is how to get rid of these negative thoughts when I have them. It’s not fair to my friends and loved ones to have the thoughts, even though they don’t know I’m having them since I never say anything. It’s also not fair to me. Intellectually, I know nothing is happening 98% of the time, and life is life and it gets busy…. Emotionally? It’s a different kettle of fish. Kettles of fish? Barrels of monkeys? I always thought creatures in a barrel would just be pissed and we say “as fun as,” but I digress……

How to get rid of these thoughts. Going to have to think about this one for a while. A good project for the week.

Annoying people….. My mother….. She is the most “nonjudgmental” judgmental person I’ve ever met. She also thinks every random example one might give to illustrate a point must be directed to/or about her. She also asks questions she does not seem happy to hear the answers to. If you don’t want the truth, why ask for the truth? And for someone who grew up Catholic, she sure showed a lot of antiCatholic sentiment when she saw one of the boys with a book by a priest. I don’t dare let her see me at prayer. I get up at insane hours and pray when she is sleeping so that she won’t see me with my rosary or listening to my *gasp* Catholic prayer app.

Anyhow, I think I shall go back to watching The FBI Files. I love American true crime programs. They’ve got it all over British and Irish programming, to be sure.


P.S. Constance, you would have loved the book I’m reading now, The Guilded Cage. A sassy Irish-Canadian protagonist, druids, magic and talking animals that can manifest in body or spirit form. It’s grand!