AmberG

20/02

Another good night with the surrogate parents. Loads more laughs. I'm worried about surrogate dad. He's not well. I'll check on him again tomorrow. I hope he's ok.

They took me to the council today and sorted out the problem I was having there. They were amazing and I can't thank them enough for everything they have done. These last few weeks they have been there for me and they have been great. I was in a bad place and they pulled me through to the light. I am getting better. Trying not to think about him. No message from him again last night. He's going hot and cold and I don't like it. I feel like he's playing with my emotions he knows he can do this and I'll forgive him every time. But the more he does this. The more he's pushing me away. I need to be strong this time. I know it's not easy for him at the minute. And he's blaming me for it. But it really wasn't my fault. He can think what he wants. I know the truth.

Taking my niece's daughter out tomorrow. We're going for a carvery and I can't wait. It's been a long time since I had one. Taking my surrogate sister and her daughter. Her daughter and my niece are the same age. And they're both as gross as each other lol. She's going through a lot at the moment and she deserves to be treated some times. And she loves coming out with me. She's had to grow up too fast and I like to find fun things for her so she can be a kid again. She's only 12 and she worries a lot. She shouldn't have that much to worry about but like I said she's had to grow up so fast. I'm hoping to be taking her on holiday in the summer. So she can spend a week away from a brother who bullies her. I know he does I've seen it happen. But am I reading more into it than there really is. Because of what happened when I was a child. He's nowhere near as bad as what my brother was. But I still worry about her. Of course I'm worried about her. She knows where I am if she needs me. I'll always be there for her.

I saw Bert tonight. He ignored me. Like I didn't try to give him a good life. He was spoiled with me. But he's really spoiled now with surrogate parents. They really love him and he loves them. I'm so happy for them and Penny is doing so much better now that he's moved out. I have no worries about him not being looked after. I was abandoned by a cat. That's how loveable I am.

They did something for me today and I was overwhelmed by it. They genuinely love me and I really love them. I'm feeling more like part of the family. I would never turn down a mum hug and if I ever did I've either been kidnapped and cloned or there's a problem somewhere else. They noticed how I play with my lip when there's something on my mind. Tonight it was because surrogate dad wasn't well. They told me not to worry that he will be ok. But I do worry. I have a lot of love for them and I hate to see them ill. I genuinely love the fact I have a mother figure who doesn't judge or criticize me. And doesn't tell me I'm a worthless waste of space. I love how I can go to them with everyday things even the little things. I never had that with my biological parents. I had to hide everything from them. But I have a family who care now. And I really believe that.