The lonely codependent

Something better, something worse

Even my diet has changed a little bit these days and I'm drinking more tea than before. This reminds me of how my narcissistic ex and I used to drink tea together in my house. So now I feel the need to see these memories as more beautiful and ideal than they were in the past. I was in love (a.k.a being love-bombed) and he was the perfect partner for me...

No, no, no. It's time to stop and ask myself why I'm doing this - again because these feelings remind me of exactly what I wrote about this morning. It's the same mechanism so the same thing is going on yet again.

Fact: when I was with my ex, some aspects of my life were better than now. On the other hand some other ones were worse - much worse, including my self-esteem. So there's no point in putting on my rose-colored glasses.

Then, yet again, why am I doing this? I'm getting more and more curious because this might be key to my healing. But what is it, something that I'm not willing to admit even to myself?

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to the city because I have to work. Not the kind of going out I've been yearning for but let's hope for the best.