The lonely codependent

Addicted to you no more
2023-02-20 05:51:07 (UTC)

I'll make you change your mind!

The base of codependency is often fear, so people like me like to be in control. Trying to save the other person from themselves is also a toxic behavior similarly to the treatment we get from a narcissist person. We try to seem very selfless by doing that but what's the real motive? We want our partner to match the perfect image of them that we have in our minds so that the relationship doesn't fall apart and they won't leave us - which would mean the end of the world for us so it's understandable we want to avoid that. That's why we think we know much better what the other person needs than they do, which doesn't make much sense if you think it through logically.

The interesting thing is that I used to do this and sometimes it was kinda obvious. For example when I met the guy who took my virginity years ago. He's gonna marry another girl soon (he has no idea how envious I am. I wouldn't say jealous because I don't feel connected emotionally to any of my exes anymore but I do get upset when I hear other people get what I need much more but I don't). So he said we can have a casual relationship and that's it, nothing more. I said ok, fine. However, at the same time I thought to myself 'I'll do all I can to change your mind anyway and make you fall in love with me'. Of course that didn't happen because if it had he would probably be marrying me now. Instead of that we stopped talking.

By now I've learned that people have free will so I can't change them, that's why I should not put too high expectations on them because nobody will benefit from that.

As for this guy who asked me to meet him days ago, I do not want to live in a fool's paradise and make reality seem better than what it's like. So I will definitely try to avoid having similar thoughts.

On the other hand I have a feeling that despite this I still have the wrong expectations towards the situation. We were talking about fulfilling physical needs, nobody mentioned fulfilling emotional ones. That's what I want obviously but, yet again obviously, this is not the place where I'm likely to get served that way.

Why do I think (or now feel) this is good for me? I know I shouldn't see people as my ideal partner or the one who obviously don't meet those criteria. But I keep doing it despite that. I've been trying to put my reason into words because my psychologist would also find that useful but I haven't been able to.

So the question of why still remains.