Anonymouslysecret

40

I’m struggling terribly with anxiety right now. All linked to my religion. You might then say, just leave the religion if it’s causing you so much distress… but even if I left, it would still cause me anxiety.

I keep trying to self soothe. I have certain programmes on in the background, like Friends. I watch the same episodes over and over. And I sit looking at TikTok, scrolling for hours. Although TikTok just feeds my anxiety at times too. But it also keeps my mind distracted. I use my pendulum at times also but this is wrong in my religion. I don’t know how to walk away from a lot of things…. I don’t actually know what to do anymore. Life seems pointless and I have this feeling of impending doom every day.

I look forward to going to sleep every night. And I look forward to waking up in the morning for my coffee. Nothing is good after that, until I go back to sleep and do it again.

The earthquakes in Turkey and Syria have triggered my anxiety. The Bible says these things will happen and I’m panicking because I am not ready. For any of this. I sit and look at Frank the hamster and kind of wish I never got him because I feel terrible that he’s totally none the wiser, he has no idea what life really is and what if the end of this world comes when he’s still alive ? How can I protect him? I can’t.

I don’t have hope anymore. What am I hoping for ? I know I will die. And that’s it. I’m just waiting to die…