The lonely codependent

A good start or not a good start?

It seems I won't be able to go to therapy this month because of my stupid family problems. This makes me very upset, especially because I'm finally starting to see that (more exactly how) my behavior is a kind of compensation. Fortunately yesterday brought up a lot of feelings in me that I'd hidden deep inside so that's good news at least.

I'll definitely need to try to find a way to get more out of the house because I'm still drinking, which I can't continue till the end of the month. But I'm very upset so I didn't need this at all.

I'm not a family-oriented person, I think that should be obvious by now. So I have no idea what to do. I was hoping this year would start very well but so far the opposite has happened.

I just want to calm down first of all at the moment. But I don't know how to do that either.