Never Broken
2023-02-15 04:49:56 (UTC)

So…..Is this appropriate?

Carrie and I have been talking a lot today. Some good and some bad. I still don’t know how to feel. I just found out a few hours ago that she felt that I downplayed it when she told me that she had a particular mental diagnosis. I never meant to do this. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, (autism), and sometimes, I don’t know how to react appropriately to things people say to me.

Apparently, this happened several months ago on a couple of different occasions and I am just now finding out. I am a little bit angry about that, honestly. How can a person know one is doing damage if one is not told? How can a person correct their behaviour or make reparations for the damage they’ve done if they don’t know they’ve done it in the first place?

I also found out something slightly disturbing to me. Apparently, when she gets frustrated with me, she talks to her priest and one of her daughters. She doesn’t give them specifics, but still. Now, I know we all need someone to talk to. I don’t have a problem with that…but is this appropriate? Not so much the priest, because what she tells him would probably be kept confidential , but her daughter? Am I making too much of this? After all, I talk to other friends when I am upset because of a friend or family member. I know it’s not gossip and I know it’s not done with the intent to hurt, but why does it hurt, anyway?

Still feeling sad. I feel like we’ve been talking, but we’ve made no progress. I feel like maybe I should just tell her good luck, continue her love in Christ and find an easier friend for a best mate, because if I am hurting her so much and causing her so much pain, and that is the last thing I want to do, then maybe I should let her go. It’s not that I want to, mind, it’s only that if my actions are continually hurting her, and she is, like me, not good with confrontation, then maybe I should just let her go her own way. I don’t want to be the cause of more grief or tears in her world, for she’s had plenty.

I am crying as I write this. I just don’t know what to feel…