Amber's ramblings
2023-02-14 18:48:01 (UTC)


I feel fragile right now. A lot of stuff came out. Not in the assessment but before and after while we were driving. We got there early for the appointment so we sat outside and talked. Well I talked she listened. I told her everything about what I went through. I even opened up about the sexual abuse and who it was. I don't tell people about that. But I felt safe. And when we went into the assessment they asked me who she was and I said family because that's how she feels. I'm still thinking about killing myself but they suggested I give her all my pills for a while. And she will give me my nights medication every day. It felt so much better talking to her. And she never let go of my hand the whole time we were in there. She gave me the courage to answer the questions. At times it was hard and I cried a lot. But she let me she was there. I told her about this journal and what I call her on here. She hugged me tight and said she loved it. I have to get out of head that I'm a burden to people or I'm bothering them. She told me to always go to her when I need to. She was so supportive and when I was talking to her she was shocked by what I was saying. But she just held my hand and let me get it off my chest. I had to keep asking if she minded me talking and she said no. When we got back I gathered up all the pills I have and took them over to her. I said she could talk to her husband I don't mind that. I was feeling a lot better after talking to her. I actually feel like she cares. And I said to her sometimes I don't need to talk or get advice sometimes I just need a hug. She told me to go to her any time. I love her actually her whole family are lovely. Her son said they all love me. And I said to her he is my brother now. I said up until Wednesday last week I've never felt the amount of love and care in the hug she gave me. I've never felt that before. She called me her daughter. I said I was born into the wrong family and she said I should have been her daughter. I said I wish she was.

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