ChillMonsoon

day 1 - prequel

Going on a bit of a flashback here just to give y'all some backstory if anyone is reading this
SO lets begin
I am a 14 (about to be 15) year old (white) male
I just transferred schools in September
I am very socially awkward
Ive always felt like a burden to everyone
I used to seek validation a lot
I lost all my friends about a month before my first entry
I got into an argument with them, now they hate me and they don't talk to me anymore
one of them is even dating my ex-gf
really fucked up. I know
Now ive been in this new school for about 6 months and still havent made any friends
As ive stated a couple times before i hang out with a group of people i kind of dislike, but its better than being alone
I kinda like a girl in my class, and theres this dude that shares some intrests with me
Im kind of a weirdo
Long brown hair
often pretty quiet
brown eyes
always tired
weird interests
and speak 3 languages fluently (not common in my country)
Ive always been seen as *the weirdo*
I barely talk to people,
im not intresting
ive tried talking to people, but they dont seem to care, i always have to text first, and even if sometimes i feel like i get genuine responses, the person im talking to never seems to be very invested in the convo
Ive thought about suicide on a lot of occasions
and i feel like i cant take it anymore
thats about it
im pretty boring
i dress like shit too
look bad
dont exercise, or barely do
parents are kind of broke and i hate them
idk what to do anymore