Life of secrets
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2023-02-12 08:09:10 (UTC)


I’m still sick. All of last week felt viral. Today feels like a cold. Can you pick up more than one illness at a time? I don’t know what’s wrong with my immune system at the moment. It’s never been the best but it was very good over covid times. Now it’s almost welcoming the cold and flu.

I went to that show with my mum yesterday. I was feeling a bit better but not 100%. However I think I overdid it. It’s an hours drive to her from my place, then I had to get a witness signature for some of the mortgage documents, then go to the post office to send recorded delivery (the last lot I sent normally in the post and of course it didnt arrive at its intended destination). Then I got a train into London with mum, to the Royal Albert Hall. I hate London. It’s just too busy. I can’t cope with the crowd. Mum loves it. The underground and the city are like her second home. I can tell the way she manoeuvres around people. I just get lost in the crowds and want to cower in the corner, rocking back and forth waiting for all the people to pass. They never pass. It is never quiet. Never not full of people. I used to bus it into London every weekend in my 20s to go to the clubs. I couldn’t imagine doing that now. The thought of getting on a bus with my stilettos and little black dress, then having to walk around London to a club and then actually dance until 3am, then do the whole bus thing back home just gives me anxiety.

The show was good.

Unfortunately mums cancer is back. The first time, she tried to heal herself naturally. Which worked. But now it’s come back (within a matter of months) and she still refuses chemo. I will not force her. I think chemo is an awful thing to have to go through and I do also believe it does more damage than good. So I’m trying to support whatever choice she wants to make.

I’m sitting in my office on this Sunday morning drinking my coffee, after some interaction with Frank the hamster who comes out around this time to gather together some food - must be an instinct thing because this boy is hoarding enough food in those burrows to last the whole year.

I’ve taken my paracetamol and I’m going to make some toast and do nothing all day so I can get over whatever virus / cold thing I have.