Amber's ramblings
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2023-02-12 02:03:23 (UTC)


It's 2 in the morning and I can't sleep. Just took some sleeping pills. I hope they kick in soon. I went to see, I'm gonna call her my surrogate mum, told her about the assessment I need to go to with the mental health team. I was trying to get the courage to ask if she would come with me. I didn't need to she offered. I told him about it and I said I won't lie or keep things back. He said he never asked me to. But he kinda did. He told me we can get back together in time but I can't tell a single person about it. But it's gonna come out in the assessment and she's going to hear it all. And I'm ok with that. One of my other neighbours popped over to see me today. We got talking and I told him I'd it hadn't been for her kindness and everything I wouldn't be here today. She basically did save my life. I wasn't safe to be alone and she took me in and wouldn't let me leave until I was calm. She's seen me breaking my heart over him. She doesn't judge or gossip about me. I trust her. I probably trust her more than anyone else at the moment. I don't trust a lot of people. I've had to learn to keep my feelings inside. I've always had problems asking for help. I always think I'm bothering people or I'm a burden. I'm trying not to go over there because my paranoia tells me they don't want me there. And the voices in my head are telling me she's going to get annoyed if I keep going to her. And I believe them because it's happened a few times before. Every time I trust and get too close something always happens and I'm left feeling crap. Because I know it was because of me