Slowly descending into madness
I've been suffering from migraine for the last 12 hours. The worst thing that came out of my relationship with you is probably my health condition. Before I could realise it, my body and mind have started to change to adapt to yours. And I'm the sufferer. It’s 3 in the morning and I don’t think no one in the whole world right now is crying out of pain more than me. And saddest part is: all these changes for nothing. We, you and I, we do not have a happy ending to our story. It's over, and I knew it since February, 2021. I knew that I'm going to suffer and we won't be together. You’ve hurt me in a lot of ways. But making me insecure deliberately is something I do not really forgive and forget. You remember what you did? Probably not. I remember what you did. It's been 2 years I still think of the words you said. I know I acted very cool that moment, but I'm not as cool as I show.
When I tell you to marry someone else, when I tell you to be with someone else I mean it. I mean it because I know very well no one is better than me at adapting to your hot and cold treatment. I would love to see who else is willing to put up with this. Actually, since you’re pretty rich maybe I'm wrong, they'll shut the fuck up and put up with you for your money. Well, in that case are you still winning?
My words are coming out of the place where I'm hurt, angry and a bit dead. Don’t mind me. Live your life. Be happy with winning competitions and jobs and a few friends you have. I don’t actually expect you to read this, but I know you will. You will find me again and again and think about the times we've gone wrong. Or I don’t know. Maybe I'm wrong, you don't care about my life.
Either way, it doesn’t matter how angry/hurt I am and it doesn’t matter whether I'm still in love with you. I always wanted you to live and I will always want that. I left you alone because you wanted to spend your remaining days in peace. Well, there you go. Peace. Without my existence in your life. And always remember, how I'm doing right now is not your problem. In the past, maybe it was to some extent, it’s not anymore.
Lastly, I hope you find the peace you’ve been looking for. If I could, I'd give you all of the happiness allocated for me. That's not how universe works. And if the universe worked the way I think it should, right now we would be talking to each other. Right now we would have got each other.
Love and a lot of regret