Tru's diary
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2023-02-08 15:17:56 (UTC)

Depression sucks

Not only am I trying to deal with the anger I feel since my mom passed or the fact that Dr. Kelly left a sliver of bone floating around during my surgery leaving me to fight for my life in a hospital that cares more about money than the care of their patients. It sliced me open releasing spinal fluid that caused sepsis and another surgery, almost a month in the hospital. My nerve in my left arm is damaged due to the incompetent insert of my second pic line.
All that and being fired from my job due to results of surgery, leaving me homeless.
I lost everything I owned except a suitcase of clothes. My ex boyfriend left for another woman leaving my stuff in storage (while I was in California, trying to take care of mom), my son was supposed to get my stuff but showed up and told me he had no room for everything, only a couple of things. I don't get it, I sent him a picture of what was there (wasn't much cuz ex took alot) and yet he shows up with girlfriend, two kids and no truck. Didn't have any intentions of helping me get my stuff. I'm heartbroken.
A friend took me in til I could figure something out. Of course he asked me to help with his 30 yr old daughter with Asperger's. His wife passed a couple years before.
I accepted but I certainly didn't know what I was in for. 3 years later, I'm fighting for my sanity and it has nothing to do with his daughter, it's all him.
When I first got there he told me to come to bathroom, tells me to take off his shirt. I was dumbfounded, I told him to take his own shirt off. Twice, his daughter comes out of bath butt naked and he allowed it. Never said a damn word. I just looked at him and laid into him. I had to teach her, that is her dad, her body is private.
The fifth in thàt house was disgusting, I busted my butt regardless of my back in so much pain, just to clean his house. Scrubbed his filthy walls, threw away trash that was more that 10 years old. Threw away area rugs that were saturated with dog piss.
I finally had to stop cleaning because of the pain in my back. He expected me to be a maid or something. They both found the floor as a trash can, the counter, and the outside. Clothes being thrown wherever. I told him they are adults, I'm not the maid, he has to teach his daughter as well. I let him know, he needs to pick up after himself. Use a trash can. I had to take a computer and put in my room because he just wouldn't keep it clean.
He had 2 Chihuahuas and went and got a pit bull after his wife died. He told me he had no intentions of letting her outside ever. (I put a stop to that). She tore up everything, furniture, paper, movies, shoes, name it and she got a hold of it. Couldn't keep anything on a stove while cooking cuz of course she would get it. All he would do is clean it, no training at all. I came in with my dog and cat. My cat is the most lovable to humans and other animals. He didn't put up with nothing though. I brought home a pomchi during a hurricane, she was 1 month old. I'm not regretting but I am. She has become my therapy dog but at same time I fear for her safety. His pit has attacked a Chihuahua (old) 4 times. The 4th time, she passed out. We got in a fight about his lack of training and knowledge of what his pit can do harm. His pit is above everything and everyone in this house. He would feed the dogs in the kitchen while he was cooking and what did that do? Got my Chihuahua attacked and to this day he won't keep the dogs out of the kitchen while cooking. Then of course his pit attacked my pomchi just because she ate out of the dog food bowl. Where is the pit now? Still in the house with all the little dogs. Oh and his 2 cats? The pit would pin down the tabby and he meowing trying to get away and he just laughs. I had to explain that was wrong, that cat was in distress not playing. That guy is clueless.
Of course I was frustrated yet again this morning so I had to write some thoughts to ease my mind. My depression is at its highest lvl.
I never would unalive myself, but with everything I'm dealing with and the crap in this house, I came close. He has me where he wants me! Trapped. I'm begging that I need to see a counselor, so we will see. I have no one and he knows it. I'm left relying solely on him. I'm hoping to change that soon. I'm searching for an attorney for disability and hoping to find an outlet for my emotions. I need to get out of here if I'm to regain my sanity. There is so much that would make anyone gasp and be shocked at what I have to put up with. The one thing I won't let him do is continue to financially abuse his daughter anymore. She is innocent that is manipulated by her father.
I need help so much....I hope it comes soon