Never Broken
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2023-02-05 06:11:44 (UTC)

Wrung out, hopeful, anxious and…National intelligence/hacking/piracy with Mum?

It was a peaceful Saturday. Ok, not quite the day I’d envisioned, but that’s how it goes sometimes.

I went to bed late Friday night/Saturday morning and I did not arise from my soft, warm bed full of Terrier and the smell of Constance, (changed the sheets) until 2 PM. I was in so much pain upon waking that I had to ask my mother to get my meds and drink because it would have taken me at least an hour to make it into the kitchen. I took my medicine, drank my medicinal drink and dressed. Then, we went for a cold brew, coffee, not beer, and then went out to get the messages, (do the shopping). First we went to my vape store and I had a delightful conversation with the proprietress. Then, I went to another smoke shop to get my CBD/Delta-8/Delta-11 gummies. Then, it was off home again.

Once we reached home, I began to get anxious. I know why I am so uptight. My father. I’ve been avoiding him. He wishes to speak to me about money. As in transferring it from my account to his, and because that seems to be all he can focus on, I don’t have anything to say. Not to mention that he got some news about my flat. They are now saying I owe them almost £10000 for “lease termination” fees. Well, I read the lease. Firstly, I didn’t terminate the lease. *they did*. Secondly, there was nothing in the lease that said if a tennant left before the end of the lease term or was asked to leave, they would be subject to fees and charges. As far as I’m concerned, like Judge Judy, (yes, we watch her in Ireland, too), “If it isn’t in writing, it doesn’t exist”. Or, put another way and to draw from the title of one of her books, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

So, since I have no way to pay back the debt, and the other people living there at the time, my boys and S and Constance of course, who died, don’t have the money to pay, either. I have consulted an attorney and I hope he can deal with it. In a matter that is satisfactory for everyone. I’m not saying I won’t pay somehow, if I actually owe that much, I am not a dishonest person who runs out on my debts, but as there was nothing in the lease saying anything about termination fees…well, I don’t think I should have to pay…. And £10000? Really? I could see £500 or even £1000, but £10000?

I stood around for an hour and a half doing nothing overly much, and then I took my medicines again, watched some documentaries and did some research. Then, I tried to get some sleep at around 1:30. I couldn’t sleep though, so I got up, watched some more documentaries, did some more reading. I took my evening meds, (I forgot them earlier) and read and watch in turns, a little more before letting the dogs out, writing this entry and hopefully sleeping.

Again, I am in pain. This pain is compounded by the fact that I am an empath and I feel the distress of others, even those I’ve never met. Carrie is moving today and tomorrow. She is moving from the Houston Texas area to the Dallas Texas area. This means she’ll be closer to me when I visit, which I am doing soon. I was so excited when she told me they were moving and Allen was taking the job because one thing about living in a 31-foot trailer is that you can’t have anyone over to visit if you are more than one person. Carrie has a granddaughter she is very close to. It’s complicated, and not my story to tell, but she and I were both excited that she would be able to have K stay with her summers. The property owner vetoed this plan, however, by explaining that K is a minor and because the place is a business, with a lot of dangerous equipment, they couldn’t let her stay for insurance reasons. I don’t know if this is true or if the man doesn’t like children, but it makes me incredibly sad for Carrie, for I know she is heartbroken and I want to ease her burdens. She is moving from a town she loves, a church community she loves and a home she is content with out in the country, to a good sized town where she knows no one.

I was watching something earlier, waiting for the pain to ease, about a guy who invented this piracy website. I was explaining things to my mother about piracy, sites like and other things like that…intelligence piracy, leaking classified documents, etc. Note to self: Never try and explain national intelligence to a civilian with no military/police experience and no background in the intelligence community or politics. They won’t understand. I’ll only become frustrated. Blood pressure will rise.

Needless to say, I am going to bed at almost 7 AM *again*. I can sleep for a while and still make noon Mass. they are having some guest speakers at church today, so I’d really like to attend. Unless I’m still feeling this ill, I’m not missing it for the world. I am still in a great deal of pain and I’m a bit short of breath, but that happens when I tire so I’m not too worried about it yet.

I am thoroughly, completely verifiably done in. Wrung out. Kaput. Exhausted…. Whipped…. I could continue…. More later.