The lonely codependent

Still 16 days: Tinder may be about to ruin my life again

It turned out that Tinder is safe after all, at least if I use it with the Brazilan VPN but it will still bring up guys near me... except the one with whom I've managed to match by accident because it seems he hasn't even visited my country yet and he's not from Brazil. I definitely want more "accidents" like this in my life because that would at least be a sign that life is willing to lift its butt and try to help me.

I definitely should try to go out more if I want to find a boyfriend. But this is basically what I was doing last year, meeting guys from Tinder. That didn't end well though because I was too easy to take to bed most of the time so I found myself in situations again and again that I didn't want to be in at all. Well, I'm often so desperate that I'm totally OK with hookups. The problem is just that they don't make me feel better in the long-term. On the contrary, I keep thinking about why these guys don't want to commit to me and should go to medical examinations that are scary and expensive. So I basically put a halter round my own neck this way. On the other hand I constantly feel that my femininity is going to waste, my time is being wasted, I could develop a lot as someone's girlfriend but instead of that I'm here at a standill, these thought are always very frustrating.

I don't know what to do, I really don't. I'm trying to leave it up to God but with so little faith and so much pressure that I keep putting on myself that won't be easy at all.