Gone mental

Notes from my Black
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2023-02-03 15:00:42 (UTC)


All day yesterday I felt like I’d pulled or strained my upper leg. I kept trying to stretch it out and just appease what I thought was a pull. Then I was getting ready for bed last night and saw this large warm mass that definitely wasn’t there the day before.

Google is a way to really make clear what you don’t want to know in these situations. I was pretty sure I knew what it was before I left for the ER. A deep vein thrombosis… it wasn’t that though. It wasn’t a clot either. The ER doc, yeah I packed a bag, thinking I was going to have a stay at the hospital… the doc said it was a swollen lymph node. It’s probably caused by the small surgery I had a week ago.

I feel dum having gone and wasted so much time there. It will probably come back at a huge financial hit too.

Idk… I talked to an old friend of mine. She’s going through some health crap too. At the time I felt like my body is doing pretty good for a 50 year old. Today I feel like I’m falling apart.

Life stress is taking it’s toll on me. I woke up feeling my pulse in my head. I literally felt my head moving so slightly but so hard that it disoriented me with each pulse. I don’t know how to describe it… it was like my pula was making my head jump off the pillow.

Well… that night sucked. I did watch two episodes of Manifest though. It’s kinda a stressful show, but it’s one I’ve been able to not perseverate on after I watch it.