Gone mental

Notes from my Black
Ad 2:
2023-02-01 13:09:40 (UTC)


I don’t think about Emily very often. She, her sister and I hung out at my grandparents lake house too many summers to count. We were very close in age and close in general. We hung out pre-kissing age for the most part. I never kissed her, but I certainly thought about it.

She didn’t go to my grandad’s funeral, but she showed for my grandma’s. I had just gotten married and was still fitting into those shoes and feeling unsure about being the perfect everything for my wife. Mis-steps caused tensions and tensions caused discontent and I wasn’t confident enough in any of it to feel like any of it was safe.

When Emily came up to me, she was dressed in this black form fitted dress. Very few people have the ability to just turn me on. She was absolutely stunning. We hugged and kissed cheeks. I found out she had lived down in New Orleans and had worked but in street for a few years but was back up north. Working but on street and being that hot… I figured she had been a stripper. I didn’t ask. We didn’t even exchange contact information.

I looked her up a few year later. Turns out she was in jail for trying to get someone killed. Maybe on the inside she wasn’t as hot as she was on the outside.

Emily had been my fantasy backup person. That grass was definitely greener in my head.

Still, there is Rebecca. She too is stunning. I’m certain she isn’t the one now. I have my life and my family. I’ve stepped back into the role and gotten better at being a husband/ dad. I’m not good at it and I often feel like my needs are not being met… but that’s my life now and I guess that’s what I built, even though it didn’t build it like this on purpose. I’d rather have sex more than once a year. I’d rather a few things… but also I’m glad I have many of the things I do have.

I’m working gratitude.